Opinion: Building a Fairer Society for Stepfamilies by Supporting Parents, Children, and Communities
The Stepfamily Association of Finland (Supli), established in 1996, works actively as an expert organization to promote an equal, child-centered, and family-friendly society. Our mission is to defend a system where the best interests of the child are always prioritized in decision-making at every level. Respect for parenthood, the protection of secure relationships between parents and children, and broad understanding of family dynamics should form the foundation of all policies and decisions that affect families. Our work targets all stepfamilies, their loved ones, the professionals who work with them, as well as policymakers and other stakeholders.
Understanding Stepfamilies
A stepfamily comes into being after separation, widowhood, or single parenthood. These families differ from first time families in their dynamics, structures, and relationships. Often, the presence of previous partners or “ex-lives” plays a significant role in daily life. Stepfamilies are diverse: they may be multicultural, rainbow families, foster or adoptive families, households struggling with infertility, or families raising children with special needs. On average, stepfamilies have more children than first time families. Research shows that couples in stepfamilies face a 5–10 percent higher risk of separation compared to first-time couples.
Supli receives a concerning amount of feedback from stepfamilies describing how rigid service systems fail to recognize their unique circumstances and their need for support and information. Laws and public services are still largely designed with first time families in mind. This is not a marginal issue—stepfamily themes directly affect about 15–20 percent of all families with children in Finland.
Shared Residence
Shared residence was officially recognized in Finland with the amendment to the Child Custody Act in 2019. The way a child’s living arrangements are structured impacts both the child’s and the parent’s right to receive social security. Yet several unresolved issues remain, meaning families are not treated equally.
In Finland, shared residence is defined as a child spending at least 40 percent of the year with each parent. According to Statistics Finland’s income and living conditions survey (2021), 110,000 children have two homes, and one in three children live in shared residence arrangements. In larger towns, the household size of every fifth school-aged child changes weekly as they move between homes.
Currently, a child can only be registered in one home. Despite around 40,000 children living in shared residence, only the family where the child is officially registered can receive housing allowance. As a result, the stepfamilies where the child lives part-time but is not registered miss out on many of the support services.
For low-income families, shared residence becomes more difficult. Parents may lack equal opportunities to live close to the other home or afford a large enough residence to accommodate the child. Shared residence is clearly more common among families with higher socioeconomic status.
In spring 2022, Supli conducted a survey (N=205) among parents of children in shared residence and professionals working with families. Respondents represented parents with whom the child is registered, the child’s other biological and social parents, and professionals (33 in total) from across Finland. Families reported between one and eight children living in shared residence.
The top priorities identified were equality in child benefits, school transport, and housing allowances. At present, services are only available in the home where the child is registered—even if the child lives in both homes equally. Respondents also pointed to cases where calculated household size affected the childcare fee reductions or eligibility for family-sized rental apartments.
The survey also highlighted structural discrimination. For families with tight finances, housing allowance can secure a child’s own space, but only in the registered home. Some parents reported that they deliberately agreed on the child’s registered address and residence arrangements to ensure access to benefits. The goal was to guarantee two functional homes where the child could feel equally at home and where the child’s right to their own space would be realized.
Supporting Stepfamilies
Research shows that step-couples often feel public services do not offer support that truly understands their family dynamics. Key challenges include the influence of past relationships, navigating parental roles, establishing family rules, communication and interaction, parenting decisions, and feelings of exclusion.
Supli offers peer support based on shared experiences. The essential elements are presence, conversation, and listening. With trained peer facilitators, families can share experiences, which creates a sense of being understood—something that cannot be replaced by public services alone. As one family expressed: “Without peer support, our family would no longer exist.”
Meaningful Volunteering
Supli provides support and information through diverse and active involvement. Our activities are based on co-development and participatory evaluation. In addition to counselling, we coordinate volunteer and peer activities, training opportunities, and co-development projects that strengthen family resources. Volunteering gives individuals a sense of agency and belonging.
Couples who volunteer together often highlight how the experience strengthens teamwork skills and deepens their understanding of one another’s strengths and weaknesses. Supli offers opportunities for everyone, regardless of time or capacity. Some may prefer anonymous online volunteering, such as moderating chat discussions once a month. Others contribute as peer facilitators during weekend courses, family events, or stepfamily camps, or by serving as trustees or experience experts.
Even small contributions matter. Simply sharing one’s own feelings within a group can spark self-compassion in others. The realization that you are not alone—that others share the same struggles—can be profoundly comforting.
As one volunteer explained: “Peer facilitation gives so much. When you give a little of yourself, you get back twice as much. At best, you find lifelong friends who you can call when stepfamily challenges arise. It also strengthens your relationship and opens space for honest conversations with your partner.”
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About the authors: Kirsi Heikinheimo is Executive director of the Stepfamily Association of Finland, family and couples psychotherapist. Saija Ristolainen-Kotimäki is secretary of the organization.
**DISCLAIMER: All opinions in this article reflect the views of the author, not of COFACE Families Europe**
